I woke and started thinking and that’s not the way to peacefully get back to sleep.
So I settled in to the comfy chair where I could see Jupiter keeping awake with me. Jupiter is a friendly presence and sings quietly to himself as I watch or work or wonder.
Then BOOM! the old crescent moon pops into view. Hello, Lady. She is riding low of due east right now, and she is so old and it is so close to the solstice that she is simply a letter C, rocking back only slightly, to point at a sun that is nearly rising and nearly at the northernmost part of that journey.
I am healthy and whole and fed and sheltered and privileged and educated and engaged in meaningful work which I enjoy and loved by a beautiful family of extraordinary people.
Why do I feel useless and afraid and lonely?
I believe in my heart that when I am about to make a breakthrough of some kind, all of the homunculae in my mind — who cling to the familiar — throw every obstacle they can think of into my path to stall the journey.
Back into the fray, locked for generations into a battle against my arch-enemy: myself.